We named our party play list daddy issues
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude. I can hear the air.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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