I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i came on her dog
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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