Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was like eating out sand paper
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
