hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
