At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
