i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
