my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
