My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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