Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
