I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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