is your mom at the bar?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
