Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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