dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
