You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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