Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
