Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
