im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We need a shit load of segways right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
