Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize