she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
