I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
