he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
