Grow some girl-balls and come out already
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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