brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
