Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I currently don't understand fingers.
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