I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
