If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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