I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
