I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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