At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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