I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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