My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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