My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
