I want to stick my p in your. b.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
