My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
