Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
