I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
