I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
