i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
