what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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