just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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