Sponge bath it is.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
