I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
