i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
