You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
