so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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