what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Vodka?
Forever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
