____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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