Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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