my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
