a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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