You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
