i think my tv is drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
