ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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