Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
