Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
