I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
