is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize