just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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