So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
two words: eviction party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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