you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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