i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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