your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
