the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
