i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
